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Not a Goodbye, just a See you later

It’s finally over. Three years of blood, sweat and lots of tears has finally led to this. The end of your college life. Its beautiful, bittersweet and melancholic and you don’t feel a thing. It does bother you how unaffected you are because these three years have changed you in unimaginable ways. You’re stronger, more confident, more sure of yourself, or at least better at seeming more sure of yourself and most of all, you’ve learnt that the real you is someone a lot of people like knowing.

Its not been a smooth journey, that’s for sure. You’ve done a lot of things that you wish you hadn’t and are now part of the ‘most embarrassing moments of your life’ highlight that runs in your head on the days you just can’t fall asleep, but you’ve also done a lot of things that taught you that there is still a lot  you’re yet to discover about yourself. And if you could do it all over again you probably would do all of the same things again because what you do is influenced by who you are and what you are is an extremely flawed human being who does manage to get it right on occasion.

As much as you hate admitting it, you did enjoy what you studied about. That’s what happens when you choose your own major, the first of many possibly wrong decisions. But it doesn’t matter because they’re your decisions and what everyone doesn’t tell you about life is that it’s much easier to live with the consequences of your actions when the actions are completely and irrevocably yours.

You’ve gained so many skills on that one enormous campus and some part of you is incredibly grateful for that even if you don’t have very fond memories of the situations that precipitated those life lessons. Somewhere along the way, deadlines became less scary, and tests became an opportunity to prove to yourself that you do belong there and you’re not someone who just faked their way into college. Assignments taught you that even the most seemingly impossible tasks were doable, and that sleep is for the weak.

What bothers you the most about your inability to feel any emotions is your friends. They were the only reason you actually looked forward to dragging your sleep deprived self to college everyday and you’re supposed to feel sad about not seeing them anymore right? Especially since they were the first people you could actually let loose and have fun with without having to worry about being judged or disliked. The only explanation the Psych major in you can come up with is that you haven’t processed that fact yet or that you genuinely don’t believe you will ever lose touch with them. Considering you won an actual award for being the most gullible person of the friend group, both the possibilities are equally likely. What you do know for sure is that sometime in the near future, your mother is going to find you sobbing in a puddle of your own tears, watching a 60 second reel of your last outing together and she’s going to ask you what’s wrong and the only words you’re going to be able to get out between your tears is ‘I miss my friends’.

 


For every single friend I’ve ever made in college but especially Rajanngsaba.    

Comments

  1. NatacoApril 12, 2024 at 9:55 PM

    College with you was a rollercoaster. And even though I can't go on exhilarating rides because of my condition. I would risk my life to go on this ride. Time and time again.

    ReplyDelete

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