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Meet me at midnight

 When the clock struck midnight, you were scrolling through reels. In America, people were going to get the chance to listen to your future favorite album as soon as it came out, in the dead of night, with the world silent around them. You would have to wait for those precious fifteen minutes between classes the next morning and pray and hope that you would be able to squeeze at least five songs in. Small favors huh?

The thing is, you’re really excited, and you feel happier than you’ve felt in a long time. Because that’s just what her music does to you. At a time when people are still searching for happiness that lasts for more than a fleeting second, you’ve found something that has been bringing you joy for the last two years. Taylor Swift.

You can’t seem to explain just what it is about her. Maybe it is her voice, the way it sounds like a friend, a big sister, and a cool aunt at the same time. Maybe it is her lyrics that say everything that you want to say and induce feelings you didn’t even know existed. Maybe it’s the way she talks like she studied the entire guidebook of life and is willing to share its secrets. Maybe it's nothing about her, maybe it is about you.

Every song has a different character, the crazy ex-girlfriend, the girl who can’t stop getting her heart broken, the girl who still has some internalized misogyny to work through, the girl who believes in fairy tales, the girl who doesn’t believe in true love, the one who does and the woman who has finally figured out what love is. You know what she’s doing because you do it too. Hiding parts of yourself in each character you create, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

You feel oddly protective of her music, you know the lyrics by heart and whenever you’re having a bad day, just singing along to her songs can make things better. You still can’t explain it but your Swiftie friends understand it just the same. They like different songs, maybe they prefer the bops to the ballads or vice versa but it doesn’t matter because it is all her. The fun, the heartbreak, the melancholia, the thoughtfulness, the regret, the sorrow, the softness, the love, it is all her.

So the next day, you put on your singular piece of Taylor Swift merch and pack in your earphones. When the clock strikes ten, you look at the only other Swiftie in the room who gives you a thumbs up and twenty minutes later, you are both at the back of the class, letting the lavender haze creep up on you. Fingernails stained with maroon tapping a beat to Antihero, imagining snow on the beach and dancing in midnight rain. The nostalgia hits hard, making you feel like you’re a kid again, all on your own, full of questions. Making up stories of vigilantes and masterminds, lost in labyrinths of lies. In spite of everything, you’re still bejeweled because karma and you just vibe like that.   


For J, A, and R who are the queens of my heart, and N who always says ‘what a beautiful mind’ even though this happens all the time.

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